[☕️ JUSTICE’S WHEELS ☙ Tuesday, December 13, 2022 ☙ C&C NEWS 🦠 DOE makes a staffing change; Biden's infatuation with cross-dressers; Loudon officials meet justice; Bankman-Fried meets justice; SADS deaths and conspiracy theories; Rebekah Jones, justice. And more. Jeff Childers]

...🔥 Early yesterday, the New York Post ran a story headlined, “Sam Bankman-Fried To Testify Before Congress Remotely: ‘Quite Overbooked’.” The gist was he just couldn’t get away from his luxury Bahamian penthouse / drug-fueled orgy-pit, because, you know, work and stuff. But he’d agreed to zoom in to Congress and try to help as best he could.

As a lawyer, I usually presume a witness wants to use zoom instead of appearing in person so that someone off screen can coach the witness with hidden prompts. In Sam’s case, like maybe a team of lawyers.

But Sam’s story was developing at the speed of science yesterday, and before I could write up a snarky post about Sam’s zooming preferences, late yesterday evening the Wall Street Journal ran a story headlined, “Former FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried Arrested in Bahamas.” Whoopsies!

That’s REALLY going to interfere with his Congressional testimony.

Sam was arrested “without incident” shortly after 6PM Eastern Time yesterday by the Royal Bahamas Police, and presumably is now enjoying Caribbean jail accommodations, which relatively speaking is probably a nice spot to enjoy the comforts of government-subsidized housing, but is probably a step down from his luxury penthouse apartment and all its, um, conveniences.

Then, just THIS MORNING the Journal ran another story about the now-unsealed SEC complaint against Sam, headlined, “Sam Bankman-Fried Led ‘Years-Long Fraud’ at FTX, SEC Says.” In the lawsuit, unsealed just this morning, the SEC alleges that right from the start, Sam diverted customers’ funds to support his private hedge fund, Alameda Research, and to make personal venture investments, real-estate purchases and, of course, political donations.

For some reason, the SEC’s criminal complaint omits mention of Sam’s obvious fascination with pedophile symbolism, his “non-traditional” sexual lifestyle, or his ten “roommates.”

Deploying a battalion of meaningless allegory, SEC Chair Gary Gensler explained, “Sam Bankman-Fried built a house of cards on a foundation of deception while telling investors that it was one of the safest buildings in crypto. The alleged fraud committed by Mr. Bankman-Fried is a clarion call to crypto platforms that they need to come into compliance with our laws.”

Bahamas police said Sam was taken into custody on charges of “various Financial Offenses against laws of the United States, which are also offenses against laws of the Commonwealth of The Bahamas.” According to police, Sam is set to appear in Nassau’s Magistrate Court today (Tuesday).

It will be interesting to see whether Sam is released on bail.

If he IS released, then all those political donations will have paid off. If not, I’d predict after a short dispute over jurisdiction, Sam will be transferred to U.S. federal prison, presumably into one appointed as neatly as the facility where Jeffrey Epstein was held. https://www.coffeeandcovid.com/p/c-and-c-breaking-news-update-tuesday