What God Hath Joined Together:  Issues Related to Divorce and Remarriage Pastoral Perspective

Several years ago, the elders of Grace Community Church published a booklet entitled The Biblical Position on Divorce and Remarriage: The Elders’ Perspective. The material in this chapter has been adapted from that document.1

God hates divorce, because it always involves unfaithfulness to the solemn covenant of marriage that two partners have entered into before God, and because it brings harmful consequences to those partners and their children (Malachi 2:14-16). Divorce, in Scripture, is permitted only because of mankind’s sin. Since divorce is a concession to man’s sin and is not part of God’s original plan for marriage, all believers should hate divorce as God does and pursue it only when there is no other recourse. With God’s help, a marriage can survive the worst sins.

In Matthew 19:3-9, Christ taught clearly that divorce is an accommodation to man’s sin that violates God’s original purpose for the intimate unity and permanence of the marriage bond (Genesis 2:24). He taught that God’s law allowed divorce only because of “hardness of heart” (Matthew 19:8). Legal divorce was a concession for the faithful partner due to sexual sin or abandonment on the part of his or her spouse, such that the faithful partner was no longer bound to the marriage (Matthew 5:32; 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:12-15). Although Jesus did say that divorce is permitted in some situations, we must remember that His primary point in this discourse is to correct the then-popular notion that people could divorce one another “for any reason at all” (Matthew 19:3) and to show the gravity of pursuing a sinful divorce. Therefore believers should never consider divorce except in specific circumstances (see below), and even in those circumstances it should be pursued reluctantly because there is no other recourse.

Biblical Grounds for Divorce

The only New Testament grounds for divorce are sexual sin or desertion by an unbeliever.

The first is found in Jesus’ use of the Greek word porneia (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). This is a general term that encompasses sexual sin, such as adultery, homosexuality, bestiality, and incest. In the Old Testament, God Himself divorced the northern kingdom of Israel because of her idolatry, which He likened to sexual sin (Jeremiah 3:6-9).2 When one partner violates the unity and intimacy of a marriage by committing sexual sin—thereby forsaking his or her covenant obligation—the faithful partner is placed in an extremely difficult and painful situation. After every attempt has been made to bring the sinning partner to repentance (so that forgiveness and reconciliation can take place), the Bible permits release for the faithful partner through divorce (Matthew 5:32; 1 Corinthians 7:15).

The second reason for permitting a divorce is in cases where an unbelieving spouse does not desire to live with his or her believing partner (1 Corinthians 7:12-15). Because “God has called us to peace” (verse 15), divorce is allowed and may be advisable in such situations. When an unbeliever desires to leave, trying to keep him or her in the marriage may create greater tension and conflict. Hence Paul stated, “If the unbelieving one leaves, let him [or her] leave” (verse 15). Also, if the unbeliever leaves the marriage relationship permanently but is not willing to file for divorce—perhaps because of a chosen lifestyle, irresponsibility, or to avoid monetary obligations—then the believer is put in the impossible situation of having legal and moral obligations that he or she cannot fulfill. Because “the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases” (1 Corinthians 7:15), meaning that the believing spouse is no longer bound to the marriage, divorce is acceptable without fearing the displeasure of God. (The unbeliever would be considered the covenant-breaker, thus releasing the innocent party.)

Biblical Grounds for Remarriage

Remarriage is permitted for the faithful partner only when a divorce is based on biblical grounds (Romans 7:1-3; 1 Corinthians 7:39).

Those who divorce on any other grounds have sinned against God and their spouse, and for them to marry another is an act of “adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). This is why Paul says a believing woman who sinfully divorces should “remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). If she repents from her sin of unbiblical divorce, the true fruits of that repentance would include seeking reconciliation with her former spouse (Matthew 5:23-24). The same is true for a believing man who divorces unbiblically but later repents (1 Corinthians 7:11). Such a person could remarry someone else only if the former spouse had remarried or died, in which case reconciliation would be impossible.

The Bible also gives a word of caution to anyone who is considering marriage to a divorcee. If the divorce was not on biblical grounds and there is still a responsibility to reconcile, the person who marries the divorcee is considered an adulterer (Mark 10:12).

Divorce and Church Discipline

Believers who pursue divorce on unbiblical grounds are subject to church discipline because they openly reject God’s instructions in the Bible. The person who obtains an unbiblical divorce and remarries is guilty of adultery because God did not permit the original divorce (Matthew 5:32; Mark 10:11-12). That person is subject to the steps of church discipline as outlined in Matthew 18:15-17.

If a professing Christian violates the marriage covenant by abandoning his or her spouse, and subsequently refuses to repent during the process of church discipline, Scripture instructs that he or she should be put out of the church and treated as an unbeliever (verse 17). At that point, the faithful partner is then free to divorce according to the provision in 1 Corinthians 7:15 regarding unbelievers who have departed. Before such a divorce, however, reasonable time should be allowed for the possibility that the unfaithful spouse might return as a result of the discipline.

The leaders in a local church should help single believers who have been divorced to understand their situation biblically, especially in cases where the appropriate application of biblical teaching does not seem clear. In some instances, the church leadership may need to help divorcees determine whether one or both of the former partners were genuine believers at the time of their past divorce, because this will affect the application of biblical principles to their current situation (1 Corinthians 7:17-24). Also, because not all churches practice church discipline, pastors and elders must recognize that in some cases estranged or former spouses might be rightly regarded as unbelievers (on the basis of unrepentant and ongoing sin) even if they are currently attending church somewhere else. In such instances this would affect the application of biblical principles to their believing partners (1 Corinthians 7:15; 2 Corinthians 6:14).

Any believer who is in a divorce situation that seems unclear should humbly seek the help and direction of church leaders, because God has placed those men in the church for such purposes (Matthew 18:18; Ephesians 4:11-16; Hebrews 13:17).

Divorce Prior to Conversion

Salvation indicates that a person has begun a new life. That new life is defined by a pattern of obedience to what God has revealed about every area of life—including marriage and divorce. According to 2 Corinthians 5:17, the believer has become a “new creature” when he believes in Jesus Christ. This does not mean that painful memories, bad habits, or the underlying causes for past marital problems will no longer exist, but it does mean that Christ begins a process of transformation through the Holy Spirit and the Word. A sign of saving faith will be a receptivity and a willingness to obey what God has revealed in His Word about marriage and divorce.

According to 1 Corinthians 7:20-27, there is nothing in salvation that demands a particular social or marital status. The apostle Paul, therefore, instructs believers to recognize that God providentially allows the circumstances they find themselves in when they come to Christ. If they are called to Christ while married, they should seek to remain in their marriage unless the unbelieving spouse subsequently desires to leave (1 Corinthians 7:15; 1 Peter 3:1). If they are converted after being divorced and cannot be reconciled to their former spouse (because that spouse is an unbeliever, is remarried, or has died), then they are free to either remain single or be remarried to another believer (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14).

Unbiblical Divorce and Divine Forgiveness

In cases where a divorce took place on unbiblical grounds and the guilty partner later repents, the grace of God is operative at the point of repentance. A sign of true repentance will be a desire to implement 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, which would involve an eagerness to pursue reconciliation with his or her former spouse, if that is possible. If reconciliation is no longer possible (per the reasons listed in the section “Biblical Grounds for Remarriage”), then the forgiven believer could pursue another relationship under the careful guidance and counsel of church leadership.

In cases where a believer obtained a divorce on unbiblical grounds and remarried, he or she is guilty of the sin of adultery until that sin is confessed (Mark 10:11-12). God does forgive that sin immediately when repentance takes place, and there is nothing in Scripture to indicate anything other than the fact that from that point on, the believer should continue in his or her current marriage.

Divorce and Pastoral Qualification

Obviously, the church has a responsibility to uphold the biblical ideal of marriage, especially as exemplified by its leadership. First Timothy 3:2 says that leaders must be “the husband of one wife” (literally, “a one-woman man”). That phrase, repeated in verse 12, does not mean that an elder or deacon cannot have been remarried,3 but that he be solely and consistently faithful to his wife in an exemplary manner. It says nothing about the past before his salvation, because none of the other qualifications listed refer to specific acts in the past (prior or subsequent to salvation). Rather, they all refer to qualities that characterize a man’s Christian life.

A pastor’s marriage should be a model demonstration of Ephesians 5:22-29, which describes the relationship of Christ to His church. In cases where a potential pastor, elder, or even deacon has been divorced, the church must be confident that he has given evidence of ruling his family well and proven his ability to lead those close to him to salvation and sanctification. His family is to be a model of faithful and righteous living (1 Timothy 3:4-5; Titus 1:6). It would be necessary to carefully examine the circumstances surrounding his divorce (whether it was before or after salvation, on what grounds, etc.) and any consequences still remaining that may affect his reputation—because God desires the pastors of His church to be the best possible models of godliness before others. If a leader truly desires to be “above reproach” (1 Timothy 3:2), he will be willing to undergo such scrutiny. Ppg. 73- 78, MacArthur.